Sunday, October 25, 2009

Goodbye,

I apologize for leaving all of you the way I did. I know you will grieve at my parting. Please think of it as a mercy killing. I am finally at peace after so many years of anguish. I have had much time to look back and relish the fond memories of all you.

I tried, in my own way, to get my life out of the ditch but never really managed to get any traction. Even with all your help.

I shot myself in the heart because it seemed fitting that I die of a broken heart. And so that you could all have an in tact face to say goodbye to. I loved you all more than I can express. I'm sorry for all the things I've done that brought hurt and sadness to you. I just can't go on hurting the people I love anymore. Please understand. Please forgive me.

Joyce, you were the best mother I ever had. Dad, I wish I could have had your sense of Justice, right and wrong. Cary ,you were my big brother. I still look up to you. You were my teacher, I wish I was a better student. Mandy, my little sister. I'm so proud of you. Who would have thought that I'd looked up to you? You showed me what tenacity means.

Matt you were like my other brother growing up. We shared some amazing memories. You went your way and I stayed behind. We both knew it was just a matter of time. That's how it happens livin' life by the drop.

What's it like there outside
With the living
A broken down place to hide
From the living
Oh the bottle has been to me
My oldest friend, my worst enemy
Oh the lovers I've gambled and lost
Squandered my chances whatever the cost
And I don't care to stay
With the living
With the living