Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What is the worst thing a parent can do to their children

Create in them a sense of worthlessness. To make a child believe that they don't matter and are inconsequential. To discover that their love is not reciprocated. This will have long lasting effects, well into adulthood, manifesting as chronic despair and diminished self worth. It teaches the weeping willow how to cry and the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky.

Mother is the word for god on the lips of children.

wet blanket

You don't know me very well. You have only known me since Saturday. If you did know me you'd find me repulsive. I didn't want to tell you but I'm unlovable. I only bring heartache and misery on those who care for me. It's best if you know that now. It only takes time to see this. The very fact that you seem to like me so much makes me question your character.

I want to be someone filled with passion and living life on purpose. I want to fill my life with culture and knowlege and experiences. I am trying to live that way now but always feel that I fall short for various reasons.

Living with geodon every day is like living under a wet blanket. It is ever-present and suffocating. Like a wearing a concrete suit. It keeps me subdued all day long. concentrating becomes nearly impossible...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

upon taking your leave

Whatever your reasons are (and I do presume your reasons are noble) your actions have been perceived by me as insensitive and malicious. there are many ways to interpret your recent behavior, but my past experiences tell me that you are quietly taking your leave of me. That silently, you are making a protest to some disliking that you've discovered about me. Well, it's disturbing but not surprising. I completely acknowledge myself to be a wholistic disappointment; a package better wrapped than actually opened.

Time after time...

Mother,

I'm learning it's hard to forgive as well as forget. There is so much you don't know about me. I have no friends. I self destruct when someone gets too close to me. I have an insatiable desire to be heard and accepted and understood. I crave praise and acknowledgement for my creativity. I haven't had a good nights rest in years. I can't look people in the eye without feeling they can see right into my shame. I'm ashamed of the way I live. I have set ablaze to to all my bridges and I've made nuces of all my lose ends. I have surrounded myself with darkness and sorrow. it has become my only solice and respite from the shame and guilt. But the darkness and loneliness is where my demons lie in wait for me. I have wrestled with my demons and lost time after time. Mom I've fought with your demons too!