Cosmic Shit

I go all to pieces. That is what I am listening to. 'I go all to pieces' by Ray LaMontagne. And frankly, that is how I feel today. Today is just a day fading into another. That can't be what a life is for. I have just had one of those days that seems like the stars have aligned to dump their cosmic shit on my lap. ug.

The past month has been a very good exercise in optimism. I have counted my blessings when disappointment came knocking. I have forced myself to do things that I enjoy to remind myself that life is more than just doing what you have to do. I have called my family and friends to tell them that I cherish them and need their support when I'm feeling weary. I have savored moments of quiet confidence that would have gone unnoticed in the oblivion of my youth. Generally speaking my good days have vastly outnumbered my bad days. I have made significant changes in my outlook and I am proud of that.

I don't know what I'm getting at. I guess I feel guilty for feeling rotten tonight. I know it will pass and tomorrow I will wake up with my usual tenacity urging me on, but tonight I just want to spit in the face of this cosmic conspiracy.

I realize for anyone who might be reading this (and if you are, it begs the question, why?) that I have not given proper exposition to my life for this to make a lot of sense yet, but I will. I have been trying to find the time to really sit down and give it the attention that I feel it deserves. So, a little history on my sordid life is coming soon. Maybe that would help explain why I am so neurotic.